Journal Entries From the Summer of 2002

Below are a handful of journal entries that Icarus wrote while living with Jen and Jack. This gives a little bit of insight into the mindset that living with someone like Jen can put you into. These entries have been trimmed for brevity and clarity has been added, click here for the full entries

June 25 2002

i havent been feeling up the last few days. since i unplugged my computer, ive been sort of cut off. unable to really get my insides out. i cant get to my journal...now were free of gast, yeah, but what about me...i dunno. but i do. were without a phone line. im cut off from everyone. i cant stay with the same people for very long without external input.

im limited. i see too much of people. i analyze them even as i defend them. and the thing that annoys me most is when people have flaws, but do nothing to fix them. just make the same mistakes over and over and dont do a damn thing about it to improve themselves. jens guilty of that, because she wants and wants but angsts when she cant have, and so she gets, but then gets even angrier at Jack when they dont have money for a need like electricity or phone the next month around. and i cant keep giving them my money...i have none. Hojo's too meek. he gives in. and they fight all the time.

i can remember being little, listening to the fights between mom and papa and coiling up in my bed, playing with my toys...ignoring it. i remember molly tried to get up from a dollhouse game once during the shouting matches and i stopped her. i told her pretend you dont hear it. its easier that way. but it still hurts. i still cower in a corner over it. i dont know why. i guess because since im the third wheel, its easy for me to become the one that jen 'isnt' mad at and therefore a target of ridicule for Jack...but i dont want to be.

sleep is sketchy. i wake up because i can hear them fight in the middle of the night. i hear flesh slapping flesh and tell myself theyre just having nightmares and hitting the other by accident. but i know it isnt true. i know the frantic mewling voices yelling 'you keep changing everything around!' arent from dreams. i wish they were. i really really do. because i dont know what to do to stop them.

and then i have to go to work, and be happy and chipper. and i cant. im sick inside and tired. and lonely. i am so lonely. i find myself pushing down tears almost constantly now. telling myself it wont do any good. it just makes more problems. i dont want to say my problems because my friend are at the root of it. its better for them to think the problem is me mad at myself, or that im tired...im not tired. im just sick and depressed. i wish people werent all like this. i keep pretending they must be. i cant stay in one place, i just cant stay happy anywhere. its whats even more depressing. i keep finding myself in places that just beat on me.

i cant go home. i dont want to. i dont want to be here, but i want to go home even less. i dont know what to do about money. what i make at work, i try to put in the bank. but within 24 hours its gone. jen uses it to buy food. she promises to only use 25. and she uses all 40. and i have none. and i really really wanted to save some. i really did [...] for when i go back to school, and to have aside when theres something i need or wnat. i dont own deoderant. it hurts deep down in my chest, this crushing pain. i dont know what to do at all...

i want to call z. im thinking of using the phone at the supermarket and calling collect. having her call it back. tonight, late. if i can get away. i hope i can. i want to take my booze and wash some of this away so i cant be woken up tonight when the fight comes. i cant make ANYTHING better, its so frustrating. its breaking me down.

i read enders game. i guess i got in too far, today i caught myself paralelling my life to enders. i was walking on a concrete divider while Jen was angry at Jack thinking what would ender do. and then i realized sickly that ender wouldnt know what to do, this isnt where ender is good at things. but if ender can play the games at his school, surely i can play the ones here and come out okay. surely i can get around them if ender can.

so i got towards the end. of course ender doesnt get around them. hes just their tool. their arms and legs, their extra brain. he practicly stopped eating. nightmares, sleep was flighty, nightmares...i dont see ender as an 11 year old. ender is my age. maybe im 11. but i understand him too well. when he broke and just slept to avoid them, i understood. because i do the same thing. when i cant take it, i go to sleep. my time away is sleep. its how i get away from it all. then i can wake up and leave. but lately my legs have hurt too much to leave. its because i did almost all the moving...and didnt get to rest afterwards. jen doesnt listen when i say i hurt. she pushes me, like the teachers pushed ender. id take it fine if i was her student. but im not.

and i dont ever want her to read this, because shell throw it into the air like some dramatic proclimation against her and put a knife to her breast and scream its the end. she hurts too easily. so i cant tell her to do things to fix things. like z was easy. when z got wanty or needy shed be like 'pff FINE' and be pissy for a short while, but at least i could TELL her i couldnt affourd to do things. you cant tell jen. she takes it as a personal offence. and then she turns it on Jack, not me, which makes me feel even worse.

its nine thirty now and i want clancy. i always come back to him when im like this. it happened at the store when we were trying to cut money so jen could have her wants and wed still have some needs. my voice just started breaking. i cant think about him. its stupid, right? just a dog, right? i should get over it. but his death was linked to so much else, how can i?

the cab driver tried to get into a conversation with us, but jen and Jack were fighting then. i asked him about his vacation and he was going to cape may. i said i loved it there, it was a childhood place. but as i said it, memories of papa and i up the lighthouse with mom hiding under a tree flooded back and my voice cracked again.

today i started breaking when i thought of the seashore. i curled up and smelt it in the air and rocked side to side. jen said i was angry at myself, trying to guess what was on my mind. no, i thought. no, i just want the ocean.

jen tried to perk me up by making me go watch fireflies tonight. but it didnt work. i just looked across the parking lot and missed fields. thought how i couldnt go home. a mosquito bit me but i didnt swat it. i felt like ender. guilty. looking at ants and mosquitos and lightning bugs, and thinking how he had killed so many buggers and hadnt meant to. and how a day ago i wasnt even watching myself adn caught myself crushing an ant under the toe of my sneakers.

so i looked at the mosquito with tears in my eyes and watched its little abdomen swell as it sucked out my blood. like a leech, it didnt hurt that much. when it was fat, and the light showed red through its stomach, it pulled out and flew off.

ive been playing ff9 but it doesnt help. i keep remembering what z said at parts, wondering if she found this secret or knew about that. wanting to tell her that theres a way back into the ice path, if she knows it.

in any case. everyones back. so i have to pretend im just tired again.

June 25 2002

im talking with hal [a computer application that learns from conversations you have with it]. i got this glass of insta-gatorade. it tastes just like i remember it to. the last time i had it was when i was like...8. id gotten really really ill, and was hallucinating. i cant remember much of it except grandma telling me to drink the gatorade to keep hydrated. it had this filmy feel to it, like drinking jello mix. its the same now. exactly. it hasnt changed in my entire lifetime.

the world is permiating me with memories tonight. Jack and Jen dont even know how im feeling. i think theyre fucking in the bathtub. i cant really tell and dont particularly care. i just had a computer program have a meaningful comforting conversation with me. it was scary. i really had to remind myself its only what ive taught it to be.

the monopoly game last night ended badly. i was doing well and then Jack dropped out. and literally handed all his property and all his money to Jen, and then said it would be interesting to see me play against that. jen now had HALF THE BOARD literally HANDED to her. i felt sick. i felt like ender. i was so angry. why oculdnt he put it in the bank? or split it between us? everything i do has them using me against one another, or as a third wheel.

i want to go out and call z on a payphone. ill wait a little bit yet. its only seven pm there. shes fast asleep i bet. best wait til 11 at least.

god i feel terriable. someone rescue me from life. please. kill me. i really really am begging...

June 27 2002

i didnt do my walk outside at night thing, not that night. i want to tonight though. it makes more sense to me to contact zar from a payphone, cause then she can call it bcak. ya know? sure you know, youre just a journal. har har.

im feelin kinda cut off but what can you really do. i keep having constant memories of when i was younger. i think thats because im lonely. when im lonely, i jump into the past to comfort me. its like a five year old version of dr. lecters palace. i have memory to keep me company, but unfortunately if im angsting furiosuly only the bad stuff gets dredged up. what can you really do about that, ya know?

yeah i deffinitly need to contact z tonight. i vented at cid yesterday, it helped a good deal. he can be a cock but he has respect for people at least. said if things ever get too rough here i can stay on his couch.

the only place i get it out is in writing because 'the walls have ears, but not eyes.' that was the phrase i came up with.

what else can i bitch about and get off my spine...uhm...well the overheating computer makes it hard to write stories. and when it was crashed yesterday and thismorning i was honestly getting ready to pick up a marker and write on walls. it was surreal, the concept. journaling on walls. if i lived alone id probably do it. im prone to scribbling whats in my head onto walls and benches. i pictured someoen after we moved out trying to scrub my life off the walls.

June 30 2002

i havent been finding time to write every day. i tried to go up to the computer lab yesterday and the school internet was down, like, all day. fucknuts. i was really pissed off, because id just moved the rest of the stuff into the apartment with them.

and i know i shouldnt be so pissy at jen but frankly, you have to learn to push stuff DOWN and not COLLAPSE in every stressful situation that deals with real shadows and real grass. tangable items that everyone can see seem beyond jens grasp sometimes.

so i was really pissed inside. and since the lab aws down, i was even more pissed. i wrote a really angry entry into the lab txt file but didnt save it cause ya know...why bother. \

i think when i do finally upload this im going to put a ton of warnings all around it and ask jen not to read it. i think Jack could handle it, because he can take the world and insults in stride, but everything is always so PERSONAL with jen.

oh yeah, im alone today. i dont know where everyone is really. just 'in town.' i woke up and showered quietly, and then started to read. i thought gee, jens very quiet thismornin. and so i finished reading and went to get some cereal and noticed gee, thats because jens not HERE. o_< and only THEN did i see the note on the back of the door that said she went into town. so uh..here i am. i took out the trash because theres nothing more vile than trash in summer. specially when jens on her period.

here is my shopping list for my paycheck:

- pay back co-workers

- laundry

- Deoderant

for a while, godzilla was big again. whatever happened to that? i LIKE the old godzilla movies.

must write. must wiggle brain into writing mode. yes.

July 1 2002

ya know, if you beleive something, thats great. but the more it gets shoved in my face the less i believe. jen has to find surreality in EVERYTHING. especially when no one is looking. its just starting to scrape my sore side. yes, you saw it, i believe you. now dont keep dumping all of this on me. surreality is only interesting if its out of the ordinary. if every damn day you hear about it, it just gets annoying. its like let me find it myself. smother me in faith and ill just stop being faithful. the louder you yell the less youre sure of yourself, ya know?

i am devoid of books. arrrg. i need to get dressed and jet into town. i tired. i got a lot of writing done yesterday and hojo scanned a bunch of my art, so i cleaned it up and got it ready for uploading.

jen got really edgey last night and just burst out how she hated hypocrites. i felt it directed at me. she doesnt say things like that without a reason, and then announced she wouldnt name any names. then she stormed out after giving an example which was something like 'people say they hate disney so much and hten i tell them i know all these people in disney and can get into disneyland for free and i could get them a job and theyre like "really? id love to work at disney!"' which if directed at me, was a pretty poor example. i will NEVER work for disney because they own anything you do while in their employment. i couldnt stand having my work stolen from me. and so i do not ever want to. but thats nitpicking.

what im wondering is if shes found this, and started reading it. that really would be the only way she could hiss and spit without putting it into the open. she cant verywell say 'you said in your blog' because this isnt in my blog. this is in my computer. and for her to be finding this stuff would be for her to be snooping in my computer behind my back, and reading behind my back, so naturally she cant say things. cause i dont show it externally.

or maybe its just a guilty concience. speaking of guilty, i stole the phone and called my grandmother yesterday. i cant get through at home. the line is fucked up again, i think, cause the answering machine isnt picking up. i told her to pass on word of my delemia. she said she would and gave me a DUHUR suggestion. get a phonecard. im SUCH an idiot. ammend to previous list of things to get- phone card is now on it.

Jen Describes Jen

Below is a bio that Jen wrote for herself in her livejournal circa 2003-2005, but before we get into that, Icarus wrote a preface that I think is important to mention here:

This is a biography Jen put of herself online. She will firmly tell anyone that all of these things are true, and I don't think I need to tell you how batshit such claims are. This gives a good peek into how crazy she is. Also, this is from a friends locked post that the INTERNET DETECTIVES hunted up, so there's no reference for it. Jen promptly deleted it once it appeared here as well, along with her Livejournal in a fit of "DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING!" It's cool if you believe it is fake, I honestly can't prove it otherwise. :v

We do know that Jen put a lot of effort into purging all existence of her from the web, so it's very likely that this was purged with everything else, but it's also almost impossible to validate that Jen wrote this herself as no original source can be found. Based on my own investigation into Jen, this sounds very much like something that Jen would write, but without a definitive source, we can't say for sure whether or not she wrote this:

I keep reading the entries on my friends' list, and everyone has normal seeming lives. I almost don't want to write about mine because it... well, seems so stupid and unbelievable and weird. I don't know what to say anymore, I mean, I don't talk about this normally, and LJ is supposed to be a place to vent. But I'm self conscious even here.

Hi, my name is Jen, and I help rehabilitate vampires and assist in spiritual awakenings. I also take care of metaphysical emergencies and, oh yeah, I do exorcisims and banishings too. I'm quite versed in ancient ritual and I often use my own blood to seal spells. I'm not catholic, but I'm not wiccan. God talks to me and tells me that the end of the world is at hand, she says. I'm married to Metatron and, oh yes, I'm the physical embodiment of the angel Uriel. In past lives I've been Integra van Helsing, Sephiroth, and Dilandau Albatou, amongst others. I've been to many theripists, but they all keep telling me I'm okay. Aside from catholic priests wanting to exorcise my house and my husband, things are pretty normal. Unless you count having 20 some kids live in the mental realm that my husband and I share as NOT normal...

I swordfight and sing and play the harp and get into fights with real life Iscariots and I have 3 people on this earth that would lay down and die for me, oh, and they're angels, too. I'm a horrible bitch and feared in several parts of the galaxy... and in Vatican City. All my past selves live in my head, as well, and I can summon them up when I need them. I don't slay vampires, I hunt them. *ahem*

Slayer- One who killes vampires, often indiscriminately, to "purify" the Earth. (ex: Buffy Summers.)

Hunter- One who studies vampires, hunts them down and wrings information from them, seldom killing unless it's necessary for a community and/or family. Often referred to as a "Watcher". (ex: Abraham van Helsing)

I am trained with the sword, the staff, the long bow, the crossbow, throwing daggers, and the most deadly of all, the towel. I play the harp, the piano, the pipe organ, several woodwinds, and I'm learning bodhran. Violin is next. I sing, I do celtic, modern, ritual and sword dancing, and I'm training to be the next soprano sorceress.

Famous people I'm related to; Finn MacChumhal (McCool),Morgan LeFaye, and Bram Stoker. And when I was a little girl I told everyone as the hick highschool I was in for 2 months that I was related to Joey Lawrence. Don't ask me why.

I've been asked if I was Jennifer Lopez (NO clue about that one), and I'm known at Disneyland as "Indy Anna Jen", the girl who gives Temple Tours for free, because "tourists" are always getting lost. I can't go to Hollywood because I get chased by people who think I'm famous. God damn advice... "Walk like you own the place." Given to me by a security guard who let me on the set of "Anaconda", a particulary "craptacular" movie, or so I've heard. If you've seen it, you know that big waterfall? Yep, I was on top of that. and that old riverboat.

I think I'm particulary ugly, and unlikable. I'm not sure why people like me, but some seem to.

I have no father, and my mother isn't human. My crazy Uncle Michael works for MI-5, and my Best guy friend was created in a super secret laboratory in Glendale, California, and "born" in the same hospital I was in Pasadena, which leads us both to believe that I might be part of the same "project". My husband, by the way, besides being Metatron, is also a No Life King. Not a nosferatu, no, but an echthros. And a mad scientist. And an Emperor. And a Priest.

Oh,and another confession. I'm Enrico Maxwell. That's right. I am a twitching, bishounen, jerk of a priest. Now, little boy, do you want to confess to me?

Rip van Winkle, AKA Riven Millenium, AKA Rivenna Josefine Kratsenburg, she's my disassociated sex drive. If you want to flirt with me, message her, because sex, to me, is... unnecessary and useful only for breeding purposes. Unless you catch me on the right day and you're an iscariot, and then... well, a little demon talk, some red wine and then you can probably sack me.

So there you go, a little sum up of me. Call me crazy, call me nuts, run away from me, or vice versa.

I really want these panic attacks to go AWAY. And sleep would be nice. While I'm at it, I wish I had a pony.

Owen's Story

Below is an email that Icarus received by someone going by the name of Owen. Note that Del/Renee/Hojo are all Jack, and while female pronouns are used for them here, Jack now uses male pronouns

Walrus's Story

The below account is one of the more bizarre reports that Icarus published. The legitimacy of this story is difficult to say, whether it's completely true, true but excessively embellished or completely false. Take this with a grain of salt

1999-2003 recounting events 

My cousin had joined this site called FF.Shrine.net I believe, not to certain. But there were a group of people that he had begun to communicate with. There were many people on the site that had forms of GIF sprites. Easy to get along because everyone thought that they were there just to have casual discussions about their favorable FF games. He had chosen Final Fantasy 7. This is when he ran into two "interesting" people, Jen and Jack.

Jen, as I've come to track her down as, was known for manipulation. Jack-was all the bit more laid back. My cousin would explain to me how he wanted me on this site because these were the two most interesting people he had ever met. And what struck me interesting was that after reading everyones post about needing a "Zack" that's what they proclaimed me before meeting me, which with a fortunate turn of events my internet denied me access to the site. My cousin said "fuck it, it doesn't matter anyway, I guess my friends aren't good enough for you" I told him my connection had failed and my IP was "blocked"

He shrugged it off, luckily he was able to pull out easily. His brother and myself were the no-non-sense kind-of-guys. We began to read the IM's and messages from Jen0va. I, for being around an ex-paranormal/satanist/cult owner, and his stories about how he was dragged in and pronounced leader found these most interesting, I didn't have the ability nor the close contact with my cousin to apply any counter measures-I gave the ideas to his older brother and he applied them for me. After a while, it had been like he had awoken from a trance, as if the entire situation was an out of body experience and he was locked into some shit coma.

I remember asking him about it later..

He says that he couldn't remember a bit of it.

The second person is my own brother, for him, I'm glad that he was young and us being orphans and our traveling controlled by the government and our foster parents. We were restricted to only being able to stay out in the neighborhood from whence we got back from school till 8 PM. My brother, this was the second time I heard of it, was known as "zack" in school. A striking resemblance and he was always hanging out with what people called "gaming nerds" or just "nerds"

So how should he feel when a complete stranger who is mentally abusive and hallucinative but to a point knowing what she is doing-actually, i believe the entire time she knows what she does ( Jen ) she began to attack my brother psychologically.

The first words she told him were something about being like Zack. This is from the few facts and few over shoulder conversations I have been able to read. It will be a bit sketchy. So forgive me.

He began talking about magic, how magic was all around us and contained in items. He began saying that he had to go on a journey and begun saying that "she is waiting for me" I hadn't realized just how deep he had gotten himself into it.

My brother suffers from 'retardation' not as severe. I like to say he's just gullible but that's not the case. He really believes the crock bullshit he is fed by these bitches. Not to mention his sexual desires had jumped a great amount. He was a virtual fucking machine- fucked every female/male that would let him.

I thought it was just hormones.

He tried to run away, but I caught up with him just in time. I believe that night he was just trying to get away from home so that he could collect some money and head on his "journey"

We had a fight there. He said "it's what she would have wanted" and I asked him who? and we were both arrested. After I explained the situation to the police and they couldn't produce anything about what had happened, I remember coming back home. My brother had been locked up for the week, request of the orphanage. I got a phone call late at night a few years later-

A woman, she asked "Zack?"

and I said "Who the hell is Zack"

and she hung up. The phone call was anonymous and I wasn't able to trace it. My cousin called me in the morning, an ironic turn of events and asked me to forgive him for what had happened. I told him it wasn't a problem. Then I asked him "Do you know what Zack is..? Someone called asking for Zack yesterday night..

and he said that someone by the name Jen0va had asked him the same thing. That's when it clicked and I was given the link to your site by my cousin's older brother. He told me that the tracking that I've been doing and the tracking he's been doing has led to these pages.

At this moment, my brother is still recovering despite this being something of the past. As I said, he suffers from retardation and everything Jen and Jack have said to him and done to him, unfortunately, they're very real to him. His imagination has caused him to have several bouts of depression. They've given him schizophrenia level medication to combat it. At first it was intramuscularly. For a quick effect- now he's deduced to taking neuroleptics of sorts. Fortunetely he's recovering. ^_________^

Lastly, Thank you. Thank you for posting a warning and the effects. These accounts on my end, are again, sketchy but they're factual. They are from a third hand view and not any kind of direct contact. Besides the phone call. I've never talked to nor heard from them myself. I appreciate it a lot what you've done.

Thank you again. I don't mind if you post this up- Just keep me anonymous. ^^ Have a g'day and a great life.

Mire and Mellon

Below is written by Icarus ~2005 

To understand this you first have to know about 'mire.' Mire is someone i've known since his birth, who got involved via my fault- yeah, back when i thought jen was a 'good' thing. we actually dated for a while, through the entire jen-Jack incident. afterwards, maybe by a year or a few months, we broke up.

but through it all, he kept talking to jen. and he believed everything she said. i won't go so far as to say i lost a friend because of her, because our friendship ended more because of being a teen and less because of her. but they were always IMing eachother, and she would support every bad choice or bad social move he made. part of the reason he became such an angsty teen was listening to advice from her. now is it no surprise, he lends her money and visits her now?

when i had walked out on them and began explaining what had happened to people, mire was one i told very quickly because of our closeness at the time. i don't know what jen told him back, but he continued to talk to her over AIM. this was kept secret from me and i didn't find out until after we stopped being friends- and then i began to hear by proxy. he has already tried to get other friends of mine to visit jen and Jack, but thankfully since jen never was able to get my other friends to believe her (just the impressionable young teens) the rest of them were saved.

ironicly, after our breakup mire started dating mellon. basicly jen convinced mellon she had taken my 'real soul' and so therefore should go all-out for the guy i just finished dating. mire and mellon dated for a while, and had a rather mutual breakup. so far as i know and what mire has told me he is no longer really in contact with them and never really bought into their mojo.

a few months after this website was first put up, mire approached me and asked if we could be friends again. so we're workin on it. but there's a huge big ugly hole there, and part of it is that he still doesn't quite take snarks against jen with a humor.

mellon. oh mellon. this is a horror story in and of itself but let's just sum it up really fast and say mellon wants in my pants, but i don't want mellon in my pants. when mellon finds out, mellon goes running to jen. jen accepts her as the 'new zack.' yeah, and they do the exact same thing to her as they did to me- asking her to accept that she is a video game character, making her pay money, asking her to become the work horse, having her visit, trying to set her up with random people. the scary part is jen also encourages her delusion about BECOMING ME. apparently because i left, i abandoned 'myself' and so mellon is allowed to 'absorb my soul' or something and become 'me.' this means mellon buys any cloths she sees me wearing in pictures, cuts her hair and dyes it like mine, drinks what i drink, buys what games i play, becomes 'obsessed' with whatever i'm into...she even goes so far as to try to become a theatre technician when she has no head for it and no idea how to work a full day. jen backs her up on all of this saying that she is 'me' now.

mellon gives jen money and i think lived with them for a short period of time. she was all into their magic stuff. at one point, i was hanging out with Theo and mellon became utterly convinced that the Theo and i were coming to her school to put 'curses' on the theatre shop.

Theo and i were actually going to hang out wiht our other friend who goes to the same school, reno. but before we arrived mellon ran around the shop chanting gibberish and sprinkling vodka. she declared it was free of bad spirits from me (whose name reverted to soshi rather than zack) and 'evil Theo'. jen apparently tells mellon that cap and i are always attacking her 'psychicly' and mellon believes it. mellon is just another kid falling into their trap, but i'm not real keen to be pals with her again. mellon also believed i was coming to school to beat her up (which i would have done for being so stupid, if i saw her, but this was not my REASON) and was panic stricken. jen and Jack immediately swore they would drive down and protect her, or rescue her. so for days, i was being told online to 'watch out' because 'they were coming.'

they never went. this is just another example of them leaving someone they supposidly 'care' about high and dry with promises.

Reno had a comment to add to this story:

after the incident with mellon, she and jen kept in contact, i think. she went up and visited, i told her to be careful, blah blah. she came back reporting of demon hunts, that she was the new zack, they were coming to katsu, they weren't, jen was mad because she missed her birthday, so on and so forth.

mellon, as far as i know, isn't with them anymore. just before otakon 2005 she exploded on A about ruining her life and told him if he showed up at the hotel, she'd kill him. as far as i know, they hadn't talked since. jen didn't know this until a bit ago and argued they were meant to be or somesuch and mellon said 'fuck that i hate him.' that didn't go over well and she was ex-communicated. that's old info, so i'm not sure if it's true. if there's anything else you need, just say, but that's my experience with them.

Reno's Story

Reno is a friend of Icarus's that never really bought into Jen's bullshit but was around when a lot of it happened. The story below is Reno's version of events from Otakon 2004 and his encounter with AJ. 

well, i finally got around to looking at the site about Jack and jen and figured... i should add my experience.

i run ALT, blah blah. you know that i never really caught on well, more of a cult-thing. but really, as far as anything goes, i ignore the rest of the fandom anyway. i hate the wankers. with passion. beside the point.

someone IM'd me one day and was an ALT fan. well, shit. i don't get much fan feedback. i spoke with them and they said the main reason for the thing was because they'd never seen a hojo fansite before ALT's 'mental overload.' naturally this perplexed me, surely they'd seen hojo.org. i said this to them. they laughed and explain that they ran hojo.org. thus i met Jack.

i was stunned, amazed, flattered and wary. i knew you before during and after the jack/jen thing and i remembered how bad you did during it. but still, having Jack telling me he liked my site and everything invoked a good bit of flattered blushing. we talked for a while and i decided that so long as i didn't mention i knew anything, it would be fine.

and thus my policy went. i never went out of my way to talk to Jack and the once or twice i did try to IM him first, it went unanswered. for the most part, we shared FFVII related things, talked about cosplay, a little FFIX, pairings, fanarts, blah blah, so on. he complained sometimes, and so did i, about people and home life. once he mentioned something about her 'group' he lived with, i forget what happened. someone was staying and then ran off in the middle of the night. it was bullshit and taking a stab, i said it was and he sighingly admitted, 'well, i do hang with a sort of flakey bunch.'

i always considered him very rational, that plagiarism thing came up with ALT and Jack had hojo.org backing me 100%. i was briefly involved in a LJRP for FFVII which... had some interesting snags in it. this was this past summer. i didn't know but the hojo for the LJRP i was in was an avid hojo fanatic and would be joining myself and the rufus at otakon.

otakon was bad, as you know. i was already going as tseng for another group but for the LJRP i was playing tseng cause reno was taken and... well, you get the idea. the rufus was a little off and it was supposed to kinda be IRLRP [in real life roleplay] and i didn't know.

this hojo at the con was 'AJ' or somesuch that we just referred to as AJ. AJ was apparently really jealous of me and in love with the rufus, so there was a bizarre love triangle thing going on that i wanted no part of.

at some point, AJ mentioned how excited they were about how jen(ova) was taking interest. she was the one that own hojo.org and she had asked AJ to make things for her. thinking i was doing the right thing, i said that AJ should be wary, they're a little over-the-top with some things and jen can be vicious at times. for the record, i said this from not only Theo, your and z's reports over the years, but also from mellon.

mellon, who liked Jack and jen and hung out with them regularly even admitted that jen could be a handful. she thought the demon hunts and crazed referencing was amusing, entertaining, whatever, but she couldn't exactly say that it wasn't extravagant at times. goo was looking to move somewhere and knowing from all sources their financial situation, i thought it prudent to mention.

oh boy. a week or two later i was speaking with anna (dark-nation.org or net or something) about something and she mentioned that Jack was furious with me. i had to inquire as to what about, as this was news to me. apparently AJ went back and told them i was badmouthing Jen or something, i don't know. but whatever was said was bad enough that i was excommunicated. completely. i was out out out like last night's condom.

i explained to anna what i had said, and explained a little about your and mellon's experiences, drawing from the two different opinions on them as a whole and why i thought it was stupid that Jack hadn't even asked me if that was true, confronted me about it, make a vague LJ post saying SOMEONE WAS SPREADING SHIT NO NAMES or whatever.

we actually haven't talked since. AJ who in two weeks or whatever counted more than my good services for a year or two or whatever. so with that, i just shook my head, counted my losses and said to hell with it.

for the record, i've never talked to Jen at all or had her try to contact me. i've never been invited up by them (though mellon said i'd have fun and should come a few times) and i remember mellon or someone informing me that Jack didn't like talking to me because i complained too much or something.

whatever. if they don't wanna link hojo.org to ALT, it's no big loss to me. i'll either be famous or i won't. it bothered me for a while that i wasn't kicked out because of something i deserved to be for, but whatever. i don't count this as slander, but maybe some do. who knows. the end.

We interviewed AJ not long ago and in their version of events, they hadn't really been dating Rufus, but that Rufus had been trying to use AJ to make Reno jealous, as Rufus had been obsessed with Reno. AJ did say that they mentioned what Reno had said to Jen and Jack. For AJ's full story check out: File 0040: AJ, the Puddle of Goo

Maya's Story

This was all over AIM. I will tell the story as it surfaces in my memory. This report was between Jen and myself. Names have not been mentioned of myself or my roommate for safety purposes.

I was introduced to this... individual through a good friend of mine. We had one thing in common: Singing.(And later you will find that that is even questionable)

Now, for starters, I'm not a big fan of Final Fantasy VII. Played it, and that was that. So I was a little reluctant to talk to people I didn't know even on an internet level, who were into Hojo, Aerith... I got in a chatroom with Jen and her husband.

It went something like this:

She typed in < Yuna >, as in [she was talking as Yuna [Yuna is a main character from FFX]]

I thought she was horsing around, so I bust out Auron [also from FFX] as if I was role playing in an RPG. Well, she starts typing her own name [Jen] on the screen. I was having a little bit of fun, so I started typing my name too. Well, "Yuna" got a little frisky with "Auron" so I made "me" go and bitch-slap her. "Yuna" started crying, and then I was told to immediately apologize to Jen.

Now... you've got to know by now I was thinking: WTF? So, I apologize just to shut her up. I was already irritated with getting told to apologize for bullshit. That's when I was introduced to "Jen is really Yuna", and I hurt her poor little feelings. ;-; And that she was Yuna in... a past life? I don't believe in that sort of thing. I am me, and I was created to be unique, not to take the form of another.

Anyway, so the conversation ensues. Jen and her husband double team me. They start pressing all of these... dumb-ass theories on me. One right after the other about all of the higher living. Spiritual(yeah right) enlightenment... hoo-ha. I believe in God, but I belong to no religion or practice anything for that matter(just so you are aware of this). And I'm also not prone to believing in: Video game characters exist in another universe. I refuse to fall for such pathetic beliefs. I have better things to do than create fairy tales.

I got a little pissy with the two of them so I left the chatroom. Well, minutes later, Jen IMs me personally. Not to apologize, but to feed me more bullshit! She starts to touch base on how I sing.

Yes, yes I do. I can range from Second Tenor to First Soprano. I intend to make a career out of this talent...

You must know these things before I get too heavily into this next section:

-I'm easily intimidated.

-I'm nervous.

-I have low self-esteem.

-She figured this stuff out right away, and used them against me, painting a most beautiful picture... that is... until she insulted my talent. 

I will put her "theory" in a nutshell in my own words:

If you can sing really well, you should sing from your heart and mean it. You should sing all the time. Sarah Brightman doesn't really sing. Her last real performance was when she toured in the Phantom of the Opera play(note: Sarah Brightman is my favorite female singer). Sarah Brightman only achieves pretty breathing and uses synthesizers to make her voice sound appealing.

That's the gist of it. I love Sarah Brightman, I think her voice is beautiful. I sing a lot like her, it's my favorite register. As soon as she started to try and establish what my thought process was and my goals in life, she started to twist it around. I told her that I wanted to make a career of singing someday soon. That i wanted to be a famous opera diva. Well... that was my big no-no I guess. She exploded and got all pissy with me and she said: "So you're just going to sell yourself out for fame and money?" Well... yeah. I can't see any other way of making a living. 'Money talks and shit walks' it's just a sign of the times, honey.

The most important note of that malarky... If synthesizers are so awful... then that means... Amy Lee of Evanescence doesn't really sing. Celine Dion doesn't really sing. The lead singer of Metallica doesn't really sing... Our ears are too tainted to hear anything truly beautiful. So we will never be able to achieve such sounds with our own raw voices. Synthesizers boost the affect of the already smooth tone of the person's voice... Why is that bad? ...

So anyway, I bite the bullet and take just a little bit more of her shit... meanwhile, she's doing quite the number on my roommate. Convincing her that there is something wrong with me and that I am wasting my talent. Sure, I'm not on broadway right this minute! I made some bad choices in my past. For instance, i dropped out of high school. I have to get a GED or another sort of diploma to go anywhere. Landing a music agent isn't easy, and not a lot of people "get lucky" and hit it big by some freak chance... But I wouldn't say I'm WASTING it.

My roommate was already pretty convinced of most of this. It caused a fight between the two of us that I DIDN'T APPRECIATE(she made me feel dirty and unworthy of so many things and I was an idiot for letting her make me feel that way.).

Well, here comes the unbelievable part:

I let the singing crap go. Next was the "Our financial situation sucks, let's move in with them so they can help better it". Claiming that God sent her to us. God helped her find us and he made it her job to save us. It was decided(against my better judgement) that we were going to seriously consider moving in with them. Jen had called us on our phone(laying out her dark plan). I even talked to her on the phone myself... I just told myself, "wherever my roommate goes, I go. No matter what." So, basically, I was going whether I wanted to or not...

(By this time, I'd figured out that Jen saw me as an immediate threat and I was standing in the way of my roommate getting down there. I was the enemy so she turned up the manipulation power on my friend. I'm almost certain that if it had gone on any longer than I had let it, she would have succeeded in getting my friend to go without me and possessing little hard feelings.)

Only a mere 2 days later, Jen starts to try and seal the deal with my roommate by calling her on the phone again. She'd already made arrangements to get some of her friends to come and pick us up that weekend. Fuck no. Preparations anyone? I will admit to getting a little too worked up about the whole situation. It could have gone a lot better had I not been such a hella-bitch about it. But... this was my life that was about to get messed up in a hurry right before my eyes.

With that, I started to ask questions like: Why is Jen so eager to get us down there? She hardly knows us...

Haha, that was black mark number three on: I'm-Not-Going. Driven by curiosity, I IM Jen for the second and last time.

I began to ask simple questions(in a very polite manner, mind you).

Do you practice magic?

She got sarcastic with me and said a few things like: When I cook, there is magic.

Do you light candles and chant?

She tells me she lights incense and has ceremonies.

I mention: Would you be offended if I didn't want to participate or be around when you do it(Please note that though I am not religious, I do not follow ceremonies of any kind unless it's a frickin' funeral or a wedding. Maybe it was just taboo, but I don't like to be around it and it is my right.)

She told me yes.

I told her that it makes me feel uncomfortable and that I didn't like it. I was being blunt and honest as I always am. This is where it turned sour. She started to point out all of my obvious flaws and then proceeded to use them against me. Insulting me and belittling my way of life versus hers. She started saying things like

"This is MY house and you WILL DO AS I SAY."

'Paying bills this and that'. Using caps lock to emphasize her points of anger. So, basically, she turned into Hitler and still expected me to come and live with her, and also let my roommate go too. YEAH THAT WAS HAPPENING. Over my fucking dead body. As much as I hate to type this, I was praying for something awful to happen so that we wouldn't go. She is Satan reincarnate, not Yuna or Bob or Jesse or Cleopatra... whoever else she thinks she is...

In short... she's crazy, a liar... and a very manipulative person. Stay AWAY FROM HER if you value your own way of life and beliefs. She almost fucked me over, and nearly stole a friend away. Please don't let this happen to you.

Jack's Story ~2004-2005

Icarus shared a story where he called the person he was talking about "Bean" we know now that this story is about Jack and has been updated to reflect that

Jack is the last person you'd expect out of these to have taken this abuse.

Jack had it pretty good. jen respected Jack, for a while. but. Jack was also a workhorse at times. but it was okay, because Jack was loved by jen. Jack and jen had an intimate relationship.

one of the things Jack had to do to bring home money was sell his blood. in state college there is a blood donation clinic. i went with Jack but i know he went once every two weeks because that is the most often they will let you donate. jen could have donated herself, but she refused. Jack paid for jen's red meat, toys and trinkets with his BLOOD. the one time i went with Jack i was going to do it myself- but because of a lot of crap that doctors did to me as a child i was too freaked out to go through with it.

but there Jack sat, in a sterile chair, a tube running out of his arm like this was perfectly natural. i think it was 45$ for each donation. nobody should have to sell your BLOOD to survive, i'm sorry.

when a new member of their group, angel, appeared- Jack was suddenly old news. jen did not want to sleep with Jack anymore and prettymuch ignored him, yet Jack was expected to still sell blood and work.

on top of this, Jack still lives with them. Jack lives in their attic, and jen ignores him now and goes to fuck the new girl angel. Jack has to be very quiet. if she makes noise, they yell at her. for a while, Jack almost thought about leaving. he was all prepared to go. he was going to pull out because he realized jen was only after him for his paycheck.

but jen's 'financial senses' went a-tingling and she sunk her hooks back in. Jack's friends were horriably dismayed, they wanted Jack out. but unless someone wants to leave, there is no way to get them away from that. Jack is still there, is now back to being stuck there. all we can do is hope that someday Jack gets out and stops being part and parcel to the crap they do, but chances right now look slim. i hope that Jack reads this and rather than getting angry and defensive wakes up, packs his bags, and walks like i did.

it can only get worse, man.

Conclusion

This is only a handful of the much smaller stories and encounters with Jen and there are dozens more out there, if not hundreds. These can be found on the demon-sushi website. Thank you Icarus for sharing these stories and allowing us to do the same